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My daughter that is 15-Year-Old told She’s Pansexual and Dating a Transgender Boy. I’m Struggling.

A mother wonders just how to offer the son or daughter she does not completely realize.

I’m the caretaker of an amazing teenage child. Our relationship is close, but recently things have actually gotten complicated. She arrived on the scene to us as pansexual whenever she had been 11. I happened to be concerned with her labeling by herself at this type of age that is young being bullied. She came across a transgender youngster during the summer camp, then a couple of others, and aided them through some a down economy. I happened to be happy with her on her behalf compassion and d sleep over at anyone’s home.

Fast ahead to age 15. After a few heterosexual relationships and a few woman crushes, she desires to date a transgender kid. My older Latina mom, whom lives with us, disapproves. We additionally feel uncomfortable. She visits a tiny school that is private she will be labeled by some, even though there are buddies that would realize. I’ve told her we must meet with the individual and if her behavior begins to adversely be affected we might respond correctly. Our child feels it is unfair that she’s got more limitations placed on her relationship than her sibling.

We know it is her life, but We don’t like her chilling out with one of these young ones, a number of who don’t go to her college. Several are actually odd to look at and appear to concentrate extremely narrowly on sex problems. We stress that I’m being judgmental and shallow but wish to accomplish what’s most readily useful. How much of the is experimental teenage material and simply how much is who this woman is? Just What can I do in order to support her? My mom thinks i will be crazy to “allow” her brand new relationship, but we don’t would you like to lose my daughter’s trust.

Mom of a totally free Nature

Steve Almond: You’re stressed that the child desires to date a transgender boy, and that she’s socializing with children through the L.B.G.T.Q. Community. However it appears like your underlying anxiety is the fact that your child features a intimate identification and desires that aren’t heteronormative. It’s hard enough to maneuver through some sort of fraught with bigotry as being a young latino woman. It becomes that much harder once you identify as pansexual while having a transgender partner. You worry that she’ll be ostracized or bullied, or that she’ll define her identification too narrowly. That does not prompt you to shallow. Nonetheless it’s also true that there’s an undercurrent of anxiety around her social and intimate independency. The way that is best to guide your child is always to straighten out how a lot of your anxiety comes from threats to her delight and security versus threats to your personal concept of what’s “normal. ”

The main concerns I’d be asking are maybe maybe not about who she’s getting together with, but about her. Is she pleased? Is she succeeding at school? Is she kind to those you get to make the rules around the house around her? Your daughter is still a minor, so officially. Nonetheless it’s only normal that she’d object to a standard that is double on sex in place of character or scenario. It’s going to be difficult for the daughter to trust you if she senses that you don’t trust her.

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